When Medical Tests Bring Bad News
How to Cope When a Loved One Is First Diagnosed with Cancer
Apr 23, 2008
Someone you love has been diagnosed with cancer. How to cope while you wait to hear the prognosis and proposed treatments.
When you first hear the dreaded diagnosis ‘cancer’, it can feel as though your life is a snow globe that has been turned upside down and shaken. You can’t see anything clearly in the chaos, and you have to wait for the snow to settle before you can work out what to do next.
Coping While You Wait to Hear a Prognosis
Once the doctors have finished all the testing, and have told you the type of cancer and what stage it's in, and what the course of treatment will entail, you’ll be able to regain some sense of control and formulate a plan of action. But coping in the meantime can be very hard.
Practical Things to Help You Cope Emotionally
There are practical things you can do to keep calm in this difficult time.
- Keep to your everyday routines as much as possible. This will help you regain a sense of security in the fact that life goes on. If you have children it will help them to feel less anxious too.
- Eat properly. It’s hard to eat when you are very upset, and having low blood sugar levels can make you feel more stressed. Some people turn to comfort food in times of stress, and too much sugar and fat can also make you feel uncomfortable. Try to eat regular meals and include vitamin-rich fruit and vegetables, as your immune system may have taken a knock with the stress. The last thing you need at this point is to get sick yourself.
- Get exercise. Even a walk around the block can lift your mood and relieve tension. If you are a member of a gym go regularly. Building up a sweat and becoming slightly out of breath for just half an hour releases endorphins, and will make you feel more able to cope.
- Be kind to yourself. Expect to be clumsy, forgetful and to do odd things like try and open the door with the wrong key. It’s all a sign of your extreme stress.
- You will be highly emotional during this period. Many people have been brought up not to express their emotions publicly, and to hold things in so as not to upset the patient. Holding in emotions is never a good idea. Find a trusted friend or counsellor whose shoulder you can cry on. Some people find it helps to journal, write, paint or do something else creative to express their deep feelings of fear, insecurity and grief.
- You might find you have unexpected emotional outbursts over unrelated things. You might burst into tears over something as simple as the remote control not working on the TV, or the dinner burning. Don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s perfectly normal. Your body is releasing some of its tension.
- Have a good cry. There is some evidence that a good bout of crying ‘reboots’ the brain’s circuits, leaving you feeling calmer, less distressed and more focused afterwards.
You can read more ways of coping when someone you love has cancer in Waiting for Cancer Tests.
The copyright of the article When Medical Tests Bring Bad News in Counseling is owned by Helen Brain. Permission to republish When Medical Tests Bring Bad News in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
