Waiting for Medical Tests

Coping when a Loved One Is Being Tested for Cancer

Apr 18, 2008

Someone you love has been tested for cancer. How do you keep calm while waiting for the doctor to call with the results?

Cancer is not called a Dread Disease for nothing. And now you are waiting to hear if one of your greatest fears has been realised. At times like these some people turn to their faith and pray, leaving the future in God’s hands.

Other Ways to Cope with Anxiety and Depression

But if you aren’t a religious person and your anxiety is going through the roof, or you are falling into a depression, try these common sense steps to calm yourself and regain a hold on reality.

Your doctor may have listed a number of less serious diseases that the patient may be suffering from. But your ears keep hearing ‘Cancer.’ And from there your mind leaps to ‘Funeral’. Before you know it you have slipped into a place of deep emotional despair and suffering as you anticipate life without this person you love so much.

Ask yourself: what percentage chance is there that it is cancer? Perhaps the answer is around 10 percent.

Now ask yourself what percentage of cancers are going to be so far advanced and incurable that your loved one will be dead within three months? The answer is probably under five percent, depending on the patient’s personal history.

Ration Your Worry and Anxiety

You should only allow yourself to imagine the worst possible outcome for 0.5% of your worrying time. The rest of the time, focus on the better scenarios, and your suffering will be greatly reduced.

Try Bryon Katie’s Four Steps

When you find yourself falling into that place of deep despair, try these four steps based on Byron Katie’s inspirational book, ‘Loving What Is.’ (Rider, 2000).

First state the thing you are frightened of: This person I love is going to die of cancer and leave me alone. Then ask:

2. ‘Can you know it is absolutely true?’ What is true is that we are all going to die at some point.

3. ‘How do you react when you think that thought?’ Think about how dwelling on the worst scenario makes you feel.

4. ‘Who would you be without the thought?’ When you don’t slip into despair, how do you feel?

5. ‘Turn it around.’ Think of the statement from your perspective. We are all alone. We find companions to walk with us for parts of our lives, but our journey is essentially alone.

Rephrase your worst fear in light of this thought. ‘The person I love may or may not die of cancer. If the worst happens I will miss their companionship on my journey. But I will find many, many people who will support, comfort and walk with me on this difficult section of my life’s path.’

Live in the Moment

You could also reflect on the fact that you don’t know when your loved one, or you yourself are going to die. You might be hit by a truck on the way home from the hospital. The only moment you can guarantee is the one you are in right now. And you can choose how to live this moment - worrying yourself sick over something that might never happen, or being grateful for life and beauty, and being loving to yourself, your loved ones and the people around you.

The copyright of the article Waiting for Medical Tests in Counseling is owned by Helen Brain. Permission to republish Waiting for Medical Tests in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.