How to Handle a School Bully

When Troublemakers Make Students' Lives Miserable With Bullying

Jul 29, 2009

School bullies are nothing to laugh at or dismiss as harmless malcontents. The effects of bullying at school can have severe, lasting effects on passive bullied students

Some telltale signs that a child is bullied at school can include increased reluctance to go to school in the morning, being consumed with fear, unable to focus on homework and missing the bus to school on purpose.

There are some very effective ways that students and parents can deal with school bullies, even if the child is threatened with physical violence. First, it's important to understand the root causes of bullying behaviour.

Why Do Some Children Become Bullies?

In households where intimidation and violence are used to get what the parents want, the child will simply copy this behaviour at school. Others will want attention and will go to extreme lengths to get it to elevate themselves in the eyes of peers. If they can see that their efforts are having an effect, in their minds it's a license to keep going.

Teachers and administrators can plant the seeds of bullying without realizing it. They play favourites and reward certain students in the classroom while scolding others. The ones who are treated unfairly will lash out to compensate for feelings of inadequacy and frustration.

What Kids Can do to Handle a Bully at School

It might be difficult but students must never show fear in the presence of a bully. Under no circumstances should they insult or fight the bully. The victim could get into as much trouble as the bully if punches are thrown. This will escalate an already bad situation and it might lead to serious injuries.

Here are three things kids can do when being picked on at school: talk, walk and squawk.

The child should look right into the eyes of the bully without staring and say calmly but firmly that he/she is not frightened. The next step would be to walk away but not to run because the bully will feel empowered. Finally, the child should squawk to an adult about the encounter. The adult should be told that the child will come to him/her if another episode of harassment occurs.

Bullied kids can work on forming a strong circle of friends. The bullies tend to pick on kids who are isolated, so when the victim can count on the support of some trusted classmates, the bully will be outnumbered. He/she will not likely have the courage to take on a large group of students.

More Points of Encouragement for Kids Who Are Bullied

The bully is the problem. If kids who are targeted can stand tall and just ignore the scare tactics then the bully's poor social skills and emotionally immature nature will be put under a large and uncomfortable spotlight.

When the bullied child adopts the right approach, the bully will stop picking on a child who shows no fear and appears unaffected by the bullying.

Important Guidelines for Parents of Bullied Kids

Parents are an important line of defense against school bullies. Kids can't handle this all by themselves and they will need lots of love and support to overcome bullying. It might take a while for the child to answer, but ask gentle questions about school, friends and what's happening every day. It's hard for kids to talk about something painful but they will come around eventually.

Parents can also talk to other parents at PTA meetings and remind them to keep their eyes peeled for bullying incidents at school. Alert school officials about the problem but stick to the facts and do not become too emotional. Consider enrolling your child in a martial arts class. This will help him/her recapture some much-needed confidence that has been taken away by a bully. The goal is not to injure the bully; the goal is to encourage the development of confidence in the child's own ability to defend him/herself.

If the child comes home with torn clothing, a black eye or unexplained bruises, this indicates that the bullying may have escalated to a more serious level. Parents should notify the principal immediately, but should avoid confronting the bully's parents. Let the school do that. When bullying escalates to physical violence, it might be time to get the police involved.

No child deserves to be bullied. Bullying is a growing problem and the effects can leave almost irreparable scars on a youngster, physically as well as psychologically. Parents and especially teachers need to be particularly vigilant and stop a bully when he/she is young. A bully can go on to do some serious criminal acts in later years, including vandalism and assault. Fighting a bully is not the answer. The power to stop bullying lies in the hands of the community as a whole.

The copyright of the article How to Handle a School Bully in Counseling is owned by Scott Hayden. Permission to republish How to Handle a School Bully in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.