Getting married is one of the most joyful experiences of a person's life. It can elevate one's optimism for the future, and provide an emotional cushion when going through unstable periods like losing a job or when another family member passes away. Unfortunately, a marriage can come to an end much sooner than anticipated. When your spouse initiates divorce proceedings it can leave you in a state of confusion, anger and depression. This article looks at what you can do to help yourself get through this uncomfortable process.
Coping with Intense Emotions
Expect to be on a roller coaster. For the first few days after a divorce gets started you will be probably be in a state of shock, and may not feel anything at all. After this fades away you will begin to experience feelings of desertion and hostility. Tackle these emotions rather than letting them tackle you. Talking to somebody who has been through this before can certainly help, and it might be worthwhile to seek out the services of a psychologist or a social worker. These individuals will be impartial and you can express yourself clearly.
You can strike a balance between not looking at yourself as a loser and trying to cope with what is obviously a loss. Letting go is essential, of your ex and of the past. There's no going back.
Is Legal Representation Necessary?
It will depend on your circumstances. In fact, if there are no children and you don't have significant assets going it alone would be a sensible way to proceed. On the other hand, most couples hire attorneys because they want to protect their interests. If you're thinking about getting a lawyer bear in mind it won't be cheap, and he/she will likely ask for a retainer.
Finding a Mediator
The services of a professional mediator will be less expensive than an attorney, and court appearances are not required. You can find these people by looking in the phone book. Before going to them, do your homework and make a list of all the marital assets. These include:
- House
- Automobile
- Retirement Plans
- Life Insurance Policies
- Stock Options
- Valuable items such as works of art, antiques or rare collectibles
Don't make the mistake of giving up what you are legally entitled to, because you want to get the divorce over with as quickly as possible. It's a good idea to see a financial planner prior to a divorce, and figure out exactly what your assets are worth. Separate any joint bank accounts and get all of your financial documents in order so you know what's paid for and what isn't.
How to handle your children
A divorce will leave them shaken and vulnerable. Make sure they realize it's not their fault, and you will probably need to repeat this several times. Other dos and don'ts include the following:
- Do show that you love them.
- Do support their relationship with the other parent.
- Do reinforce the fact they are still members of two households.
- Don't badmouth the other parent.
- Don't discuss the details of the divorce.
- Don't force them to decide where they want to live.
Any issues you might have about custody, visitation rights or child support payments should be discussed with an attorney.
Maintaining a Healthy and Positive Lifestyle
A divorce is traumatic enough, don't aggravate the situation by skimping on sleep, food and exercise. Stay active to bust the stress that this situation can create, and join a support group to articulate your thoughts. Alcohol and nicotine addiction can be an unfortunate result of dealing with the pressure of a divorce, so don't give in to temptation.
